Feeding people.

I stopped cooking when my lover and I split. That had been my favorite thing to do for David: prepare something special just for him and nourish him. Roast four kinds of peppers over open flame. Peel and mash potatoes then make them obscene with butter and milk and nutmeg. Quiche. Key lime pie. Red Velvet Cake.

It would never occur to me to cook for myself (yes Wayne, my therapist knows) and in the past two years I have actually approached a stove maybe six times. But I sure did last night! My adored Abigail was coming over to sing and I wanted not just to feed her (I've done that at many a diner) but to actually take the time and care and love to cook for her. So the burner was lit and red and green and yellow and orange peppers roasted. Three white onions were sliced very thin and cooked till golden. I dredged two pounds of top round steak in flour and seasonings, browned them, cut them into strips and cooked them for three hours over very low flame with broth and beer and bay. Several sprigs of fresh thyme (just the smell made me nuts with delight). Green beans with a touch of garlic. Mashed potatoes. Biscuits. We truly feasted and as Abigail ate I got that well remembered and much missed glow of having fed someone I truly love. We ate so much we couldn't even look at the cheesecake I'd bought for dessert.

I'm remembering this morning that my favorite job I ever had was as director of the food pantry (now the Sylvia Rivera Memorial Food Pantry) at Metropolitan Community Church of New York. Between bag lunches and Sunday receptions and monthly neighborhood dinners and special events I served hundreds of meals a month. Momma would fly in a week in advance of holidays like Thanksgiving and Easter to help me cook for the four hundred people (many homeless) we would feed. It was a very special time for us.

So. Feeding people. It's mandated biblically. I am thinking this morning that it is a great privlege and a very pure way of expressing love through an act. I'm going to do it as often as I can.